Ok, I figured it out. It’s just one big misunderstanding.
The way the NBA Draft Lottery works is that the worse your team is, the more ping pong balls they get, raising the chance that you get the #1 pick.
So it stands to reason that if you’re the worst team ever, you’ll get all of the ping pong balls.
This is all merely a misunderstanding of the rules. Completely excusable.